There Is More To The Story

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50:20 NIV

Hey Girl, Hey!

It’s been awhile since I have blogged. I know, I know, I know! I have missed you too sis!

A lot has transpired over the last couple of years since I have last blogged. From having a traumatic miscarriage that lead to a hysterectomy, loosing family and friends, being a front-liner during a pandemic, all while trying to remain a good wife, mom, and servant of the Lord. Whew!! That was a lot to bear and type.

But, God has kept me through it all!! It is more to my story of life! Trust me we will unpack some of these things later in a blog or book. ( Who knows what God is doing with all of these testimonies).

Many of those that know me, know that I can be a little hard headed and I like to be in control of my environment. These last few years have humbled me. I literally had to take a pause and work on my personal healing. Healing is definitely a process and a journey.

I was sitting on my couch this morning and the Lord led me to write. I felt some kind of way about it. I began to go back and forth about blogging. Lord, it has been so long since I have blogged. It’s been too long God. God reminded me of a sermon my pastor preached of how God doesn’t go back on His word,His calling or assignment over your life. There are nations and generations tied your testimony! Get Up! So, here I am writing and sharing.

Every thing that happened in may life God is going to use it for my good and His glory. Those heart aches did not destroy me . It didn’t put end to my story. THERE IS MORE!

Here are few flowers that have bloomed in me during this season.

Quitting is not an option. It is ok to take time off to work on yourself.

Heal, Rest, Reset, and, Regroup. Remember that taking break is not going to erase your God given assignment. Rest up and Heal up, there is need of you at your best.

Your body is a temple.

Take care of it you only have one. You honor God by taking care of the temple He has given you one body. Respect it. Love it. Don’t focus on just the spiritual part, but the whole body. Sis, that means you need to pray, eat healthy, exercise and rest.

Learn to prioritize things in your life.

Being a nurse has helped me master prioritization. From the time that I clock in, my mind is constantly thinking what I need to do first. God reminded me that same skill that I learned at work, I can use in my personal life. It’s ok to prioritize in your life . It creates a healthy balance and boundaries. I was operating in Auto pilot for so long that I missed a lot of little things, just to complete the check list on of day. I was just so busy and not filling fulfilled or accomplished. One day God said to me in this season, ” Sit your tail down somewhere “! Yes, God talks to me that way. God will meet you where you are. He will go to the deepest of the deep for you. He loves us that much. Girl, He loves us so much that He died for me and you.

Sis, you may have struggled through a hard season or seasons. Trust me I know about the long suffering season with trouble on every side, while having a to do list jam packed and a family to care for. A smile on the outside while inside wanting to hide. But there is a soft urge(God) that keeps pushing you through it. You can make it! There is more to your story.

So, do you think that He would allow all of that happen to me or whatever you have going on in your life, whether it is loss of a job, loved one, health issues, depression to end our story? Of course not! Remember that when Jesus was on the cross and hung his head down and died, they thought it was the end. Oh, but on the third day He rose again with all power. He was even stronger than before. That was not the end of His story and it was not the end of yours.

Prayer

God,

You are my strength. You are my peace. When life gets to hard, chaotic, and unbearable help me to remember that you are my peace and my strength. I am not alone in this journey of life because you are there with me. Help me see you in every situation in my life. Lord, heal me on the inside from every hurt. Make me whole. Help me to take care of this temple you have given me.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Until next time loves,

Keep going. Hold on and look up. God sees you.

-MBR

No Regrets

The month of January is  a month of prayer and consecration for my family.  I really like to use this month regroup and reset.   During this time, I purposely clear my schedule as much as possible to focus on God. I believe God has a lot to say and I need to be in position to hear the voice of the Lord concerning 2018.

This morning I felt an urgency to spend the day conversing with God  and studying his word.  Today  he lead me to read about Saul. 

God is saying I am getting ready to bless you during your mission. It is important for you to hear me and keep my commandments.  Your mission may not be a king like Saul.  It may be sharing your story, stepping out on faith to start that business, or relocating.  Whatever your mission is  don’t get distracted and bound by fear of people as Saul did.   Don’t get caught up in the hype of popularity  and seeking validation of the people . Everyone is  not going to agree, show up , or support what God has called you to do. During this time God has spoken specific instructions to your heart. Don’t loose sight of the instructions that God has given.  God chose Saul.  He sent  Samuel to anoint him; meaning he all ready had God’s stamp of approval.

Why did Saul fear the people?  Perhaps he wanted to be likable.  I can image the people saying  to Saul  ” Why would we kill all of these good sheep and oxen?  We can take these back and offer some up to God and then keep the rest.”  Saul being king probably thought  “Yeah,  I guess that would be a good idea.”  Thinking that it would be a win – win situation; were God would be  pleased with the sacrifice and the people would be pleased with the leftovers.   However, Saul’s good intentions and sacrifice  were not pleasing or accepted in the eyes of God because he had  ignored God’s commandments.

  Disobeying God’s direct orders not only cost Saul being king but it also made God regret that he made him King.

1 Samuel 15:35  ….And the Lord regretted that he had made Saul king over Israel. 

Don’t make the Lord regret blessing you.  Saul was king and lost the throne due to listening to people.   He let  fear and people distract him and lost sight of the mission.

In this season, God is going to bless but it is so important that we obey his  commands.   We can’t get caught up in what people think we should do. Do what God says!!  Follow his instructions.  Don’t get caught up on pleasing people and not pleasing God. Whatever God has told  you to do in these season do it!!   Walk in the the blessings that he has bestowed on you in 2018 and aim to please him.  He has chosen and anointed you to do it. Don’t make the Lord regret blessing you.

Many blessings,

-MBR

Thankful Thanksgiving

It has been a while since I have blogged. I was originally planning on shutting this blog site down because I have been inactive so long. So much has happened since the last time I blogged. There have been times that I wanted to share but couldn’t find the energy to write or words to describe what was going on.

I woke up this morning with a heart full of thankfulness and a burning desire to write. I told God that I didn’t know how to start since it has been a long time since I published a blog. “What do I say God?, How do I even start ?” He reminded me what’s on my heart.

I have been praying a lot lately for those who are affected by incarceration. Especially as the holiday season has approached. As I scrolled through my Facebook memories I scrolled across a blog I wrote a couple years ago Home away From Home for The Holidays. That particular blog was about how to cope with being separated from a loved one during the holidays due to incarceration. I reread that blog and remember why I started to write in the first place. I remembered the place and feelings that I was feeling during that season. I was determined to find ways to cope with my family’s new normal dealing with my husband being incarcerated.

After finishing reading that blog God showed me how I am no longer in that place. How that season has passed. He carried me through it !! I am so thankful. He gave me how to survive that season. That prepared me for this season. As I type this blog this morning holding back the tears as I look at my husband gather our children as we prepare to feed the homeless this morning. God is so faithful!

The reason I have the burning desire to write this morning is to testify that you will not always be in the season you are in. Give thanks for your now and your future.

Trust me I know that your now may be hard. But God is given what you need for your now. i I want you to know that God sees you. How do I know, because he saw me. So this morning I am thankful.

I am thankful for the strength that God has given you to make it to this day. I am thankful for your now that is preparing you for your future.

Heavenly Father,

I thank you for being a loving father that cares for his children. Look on those who are not be able to be with there loved one on this holiday. Let them know that you are there and you care. It won’t always be this way. Intervene in each situation give them direction for today. Strengthen them. Give them peace and love. Give them joy on today. Allow them think of the good thoughts you have towards them.

In Jesus name,

Amen

I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!!

Remember that it won’t always be like this!!

MBR

Representing H. E. R.

I am super proud of my daughter ministering in dance at Camp David of the Ozarks‘ Banquet of Hope  annul fundraiser for children of prisoners.  As I sat there in awe  of her strength, thinking  of all of things we have been through as a family the past years.  The tears began to form in my eyes. Wow this 11 year old  is still able to worship God despite of all circumstances that she has been through.

Being a child affected by  a  parent  incarcerated is rough. It feels like you are a roll coaster of emotions.  There are so many unanswered  questions that are hard to answer and ask.  What happened? Why did it happen? Why did they do it? Is it my fault? Do they love me still? How could they leave me?, and the most dreaded one was  why did you let this happen? These were  just a few questions that were a constant echo in my household.

All of these questions  were valid   and it  was important for me to answer them truthfully on an age appropriate  level.  Answering honestly  is the first step in rebuilding the trust in a relationship  that was now broken between every member in  my family.  I didn’t trust my husband.  My daughter didn’t trust neither of us, because her world as she has known it is now broken. The anger and blame game began. Who else was there to take the heat for the pain? None other than mom.   Mom’s are suppose to be there to protect making sure the family stays together at this point in my life  I  had let her down.

We were on a emotional roller coaster. I never knew how she was going to react to anything.    I felt and understood  her pain as I too had experience with a  father  being incarcerated. I prepared myself in prayer and being lead by God on how to address and answer each question as best as I could.  Reassuring her that she is loved by both of her parents.  I kept reassuring  her of God’s word and his promises . He hasn’t forgotten us. He loves us and this situation was temporary.

Although this situation was hard emotional,mentally, physically and financially. God still saw us through it .Here are some ways I  helped my daughter face this new lifestyle of having a parent incarcerated.

1. Prayer- Tell God all about it. Ask him for wisdom, direction, peace, patience and understanding.
2.  Listen- I listened to what she was saying. I didn’t always give a response to everything. I just offered my ear to listen.
3.  Talk –  I shared my feelings of being sad and mad with her as she shared hers. Doing this helped us both relate to each other as we turned to God for healing.
4.  Support – Be there!  Even when she didn’t want me there I was there. The more she tried to push me away the more compelled  I felt to be there even more.
5. Focus  on positive –  highlight the good,  give positive reinforcement
6.  Reassurance-  Reassured her that it is not her  fault and God and parents love her.    I also reaffirmed that she is supported and  she matters.
7. Journal-   She was given a journal to express how she felt freely. This was another way to communicate the hard things. We would check in often.
8.  Family counseling – Depression is real and can happen in children.  It is a help to have a professional  consulted to be able to assess and intervene. Professional counseling has done wonders for my family. Being able to express what we were going through and help process those thoughts and feelings helped promote healing in our family as a whole.
9. Camp David of the Ozarks – being surrounded by people who understand and have been through the same situation makes it a little easier.  Going to camp reassured her that she was not alone, she was not  the only kid that is going through it.

Ciara dancing at Camp  David’s fundraiser was a testimony that trouble doesn’t last always. This was the first time that her dad was able to see her dance in person. She used this opportunity to show God’s faithfulness and give hope to children who are affected by incarceration that they too will  be ok. God does hear their prayers and he cares.   At that moment she represented  H. E.R.  ( Healing, Encouragement, Restoration) to the fullest.

-Blessings,

MBR

Link to performance

Serving through Pain

Well , God has done it again !  Another successful and blessed   Mom’s retreat at Camp David of the Ozarks.  Camp David is a camp serving  children with parents  incarcerated giving them hope. This was my third time attending camp and my  second time  serving as a Host mom.   The camp usually serves  children ,but it was placed on Grace ( co-founder) heart to serve the women that are caring for theses children.   And I thank God for her!!!

As a wife and mom who cares for her  children while her husband/ children’s father is incarcerated,  I  felt shamed, embarrassed  and alone.  When I experienced camp for the first time  I came hurt, shamed, broken,  and guarded.  I only had enough strength to survive to do the day to day things to keep my family a float. By the end of my first retreat I found that I was not alone and  there were people out there that genuinely cared for those who are affected by incarceration. Most importantly  I learned that  God did not forget about me or my family.  He cares about my hurt and frustrations and needs. God even cares   about my husband in his mess.   God lifted  up so many weights that weekend.    He gave me the strength to began to talk more and bring awareness  about  families affected by incarceration.  Since then  I have been serving as a Host Mom  at these retreats.

I find joy in serving these  women that I can relate to  so well.  God knows how to put the right people together at the right time. I always  go into these retreats ready  to pour out my heart, listen, and support these women.   Reassuring them that with God they can make it and they are not alone. Each retreat has been  different  each time.  This  retreat God did something special  not just  for the  moms that attended but for each host mom.  I can’t share the special experience of the other moms, but I can share my experience.

When  listening  to other moms share I was able to reflect back and see how far  God has brought me from.   I shared  my story while thinking about  where I am now, the tears began to flow.  I remember the shock and the pain being so bad I thought I was going to die.  I remember being  silent,  numb, and isolated. An outcast  by those who I thought loved me and supported me.  I paused and took a deep breath and thanked  God that I am no longer in that space. It was like an outer body experience.

After sharing my story  many of the women came up  and asked me  questions like  “When this  or that happened , what did you do?”  or  “How did you feel when…?”How are you making it ?”and ” How do you keep smiling?”  Surprising to myself I was able  answer those  questions and share how  God has provided  and how he sustained  me. I was able to share  on how to deal with my children when they were crying for their dad, or how to still incorporate him in our lives even though he was away  (a dad is an important person in a child’s life). I once too had those  questions and nobody could answer them and  be  really honest and transparent because of the stigma that comes with incarceration.

Two retreats ago I wouldn’t have been able to be as transparent as I was this weekend. I was able to look back and see how far I have come. Even when I thought the pain would not subside . I now know that it can. I remember a  older church mother’s  saying that “this too shall pass”.  I would get so mad because I wanted   it to be over right now! Now  I know that  when in passing  there is a process  that has to take place.  This process may include  stopping, looking  at the situation, listening ( to God),  decision, and  turning a different direction. In passing  it required more work that I thought and that is why it didn’t happen  “now”  like I wanted it too.

I have been to camp on three different occasions  and had  three different experiences that gets better each time. The encouragement , support, and the love that is at this camp is incredible.  The  journey  of dealing with my husband being incarcerated froze me at one point. I felt stuck and even thought that I couldn’t  do anything  given the situation  that I am in. Now with the help of God I can serve  despite of what I am going through.  Every  loving gesture of service this weekend  was  the least I could do in honor of  God; thanking him for  bring me through. Although things are not perfect in my life, I know that with  God all things are  possible.This time  in my life I am no longer surviving but I am thriving.  There is a purpose for this pain and I chose to live through it!

-MBR

I am so grateful for the founders  of Camp David of the Ozarks  Ben and Grace  Smith  for their labor of love for families that are affected by incarceration. Please keep them and staff lifted in prayer to continue the work of God.  You can also help by donating to the camp. Click on the link.

 

 

 

 

Still Dad

 

 Late Publish  written 6/18/2016

This was second Father’s day that  he  hasn’t been home.   Even though he is incarcerated he is  still a dad in our children’s life.   The girls and I  went to surprise him  and celebrate him on that day. Many  have said why would you honor him and he is not physically there.  That may be true but he is very much well  apart of their lives. He talks with them daily. He helps with homework over the phone or through letters. He disciplines them when they are in trouble. You may ask  how does he do that? He may say “no tv” and I just follow through and back him up. He is involved in important decision making in their life.

I woke up early to prepare the girls for a surprise visit  to see their dad.  When we got there were more children there than usual.   I smiled because I got a chance to see that I wasn’t alone.  I saw moms bring their children to see one of the most important and influential  people in their lives.  I hear all of the time  about ” What I should do” or ” How I shouldn’t take my children to see him.  But what people don’t realize is that  I know what  it feels like to have a dad incarcerated .  I longed for a relationship with my dad but  as a child I didn’t know how to express that especially  when the one I needed to express it to was incarcerated.

As I sat and observed the visits of different families while we waited for  my husband to come . I met a lady who had a  1 year old daughter. She had the prettiest eyes and just kept waving at me  and smiling.  I said hi to the baby girl and it sparked up a conversation  with her mom. Her mom told me that she had just started walking the other day and this would be the first time that  her father sees her take steps.  WOW!  It was a  heart touching  moment to see the face of that dad when he saw his precious baby girl walking toward him for the first time.  

I looked around and saw another father and daughter , when her dad came out they did a cool special hand shake.   I could tell by the look in her eyes and her smile that was something that  her and dad did. As I continued to look around at the different families my husband walks in the room .  Before I could  say to my 4 year old wait, she jetted down towards screaming ” daddy!”  It brought tears to my eyes to know that she knows him and not just of him.   She was almost  2  years old when he  left.   My 11 year old eyes lit up as she hugged  him tight.

What all of these children had in common  besides that their fathers are all incarcerated,  was that they were all excited and smiling when they saw their dads enter the room.   Children are so innocent. They love,have faith and trust without fear.   This is why Jesus wants us to come to His as little  children.  With faith and  without judgement

 and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3 NKJ

This was not my  ideal Father’s day or  the way that I have envisioned him being a father  to my children.   But it is important for me to try to make it  work for my kids sake. What I realized in my adult age how important the dad role is  children’s lives. How it affected me as child of my dad  not being apart of my life. There was so much  that my dad could have taught me that my mom couldn’t as a woman.   I refuse to  let this  fatherless cycle continue down  to my children.  They love their dad and deserve every opportunity that  a rises to have a  relationship with their dad.   I  serve a God of a another chance.  Because he gave my husband another chance at life. I can’t deny my children at a chance to have their dad in their life.

So all of  you that are  struggling with  a dad that is incarcerated know that he can still be present and influential in your children’s lives if you let him. As always pray and ask for direction. I promise that God will not let you down. Be encourage.  Remember to LIVE LOVE and FORGIVE as Christ did.

I can’t be in control!? Why?

 

Who would have thought that such a minor event of my keys being lock in the car would send me over edge. The tears began to flow and wouldn’t stop. I was so so angry! Looking on the outside in at the keys. Thinking why can’t anything go right? Why is my life in an up roar? Why don’t I have control over anything?! I  don’t have control of my home. I don’t have control at work? I don’t have control over my husband’s situation. But most of all I can’t control these tears. They won’t stop falling. I finally get a ride home. I go straight to my prayer corner and I sat there. I wanted so bad to just yell at God and tell Him how bad that I was hurting.  But the respect and the love that I have for God wouldn’t let me come to  Him with a heart full of anger. He has already blessed me so much . So I sat quietly  as the tears fell in that corner. Until I was able to speak to God without being angry.

As the tears kept forming I was able to say . God I am flustered. I feel like things are out of control. This is hard! I have it coming from every angle.  Dealing with what people are saying  and how I should do this or  that.  Why can’t I  go off, say what I need to say, or even throw in the towel ? Why can I be in control of something ? He replied  “Do you really want to be in control?” I  paused and thought about it.  No, thanks! I might make it worse.  As  I sat there this scripture from a class that  I took was brought back in remembrance.

2 Peter 1:5-11 NKJ

⁵ But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, ⁶ to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, ⁷ to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. ⁸ For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹ For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.

¹⁰ Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; ¹¹ for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Verse  five  and six really stuck  out to me. Especially  these few word choices , diligence, virtue, knowledge, self-control, and  perseverance . I looked up this words to make sure I had a full understanding of what was being said to me.

diligence- constant and earnest effort to accomplish what is undertaken;persistent exertion of body or mind.Law. The degree of care and caution required by the circumstances of a person.

Virtue –moral excellence; goodness; righteousness;a good or admirable quality or property

Knowledge-acquaintance or familiarity gained by sight, experience, or report ;the fact or state of knowing; the perception of fact or truth; clear and certain mental apprehension

self -control -the ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires or the expression of them in one’s behavior, especially in difficult situations.

 

perseverance –steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

In other words…. add more to your excellent faith, add more facts  to yourself control,   and press pass any obstacle that may come my way.  These the things that you already possess so continue to build on this and don’t allow the  minor obstacles   that are collected  build  up and become big things can hinder you and those who are watching.

God bless,

MBR

I Almost Let Go….

I had just finished  praying with the girls and getting them off to school. I was on my way to run in the park and  I get a phone call that was devastating. I was expecting the call, but  I wasn’t expecting the information that was given.  It literally knocked the wind out of me. I couldn’t say anything  really. I was speechless as the tears began to flow down my cheeks. Some how  I managed to make home. I sat on the couch in disbelief feeling  lost and confused.  All I could say was  ” I can’t , I can’ t, I just can’t”   for every  “I can’t ” I said the Holy Spirit said “Stand”. I literally  felt my knees buckle and I felt myself  begin to fall spiritually . My heart was shattered. Even though the Holy spirit was  there cheering me on I just couldn’t grasp hold and hear the cheering because of the loud sound of my heart shattering .I got distracted  and couldn’t hear God’s voice encouraging me.

 I was soooo caught off guard by this.  I just couldn’t  believe that He would bring me this far to leave me. I know what God’s word says. I know that He would never leave me or forsake ( Deuteronomy 31:6),  He will keep my foot from being caught (Proverbs 3:26),  When the enemy comes in like a flood the spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard, (Isaiah 59:19). I know to  Trust in the Lord with all your heart,(Proverbs 3:5).  All of this word that is hidden in my heart  but some how I still felt  like I was falling. The enemy  thought that if my heart was shatter so  would the word of God that I had hidden.  My flesh immediately wanted to quit and walk away  from everything but the Holy Spirit in me wouldn’t let me. My spirit knew that I needed help but my flesh was to weak to ask.

I am not the most vulnerable person publicly. I hate letting  people see me crying , sad, or even look worried.  I have always been the one that keep things going. The thought of me to break down,people seeing it ,and me not being in control was the worst feeling. Plus I felt like  I had enough going on with  people spectating with all that my family is going through with my husband being gone.  All I needed  on top of this is someone feeling sorry /pitting us  or  saying  “I thought  she trusted God and had faith”.

(When in fact I actually had to trust God more at that point and didn’t know it.)But when that blow hit it left me scattered . I honestly didn’t know what to do.  My phone  was by me I couldn’t think of  who to call. In my mind I knew that I was injured spiritually and I needed some help.  I knew that I could not fight that battle on my own that day. I needed help.

One can chase a thousand and  two can chase ten thousand to flight  (Deuteronomy 32:30)

I posted on FB   that I was not strong that day and I needed prayers.  As the texts started pouring in  asking what did I need, I honestly  couldn’t answer to say. I  didn’t know what I needed  at that moment. All I knew is that I was hurt and needed some help. The text kept coming and I couldn’t bring myself to really talk about it. I went to my room and  turned on my worship music and I listened  to the words of each song hoping that the sound of the music would drown out the echo of my  shattering again. See I been in this place before back in 2013 and that shattering sound was oh to familiar to me. I couldn’t believe that I was revisiting this brokenness feeling again. I wanted to reach out and talk but the words wouldn’t form  and I didn’t have the strength or courage to pick up the phone.

The  text kept coming and  I still couldn’t really respond.  I started looking at the pictures of how my family was before all this. The tears began to flow more and I just started talking to God. God you were there then and I believe you are here now.  You were good then and you are still good now. God I have kept your word in my heart but it is broken and I can’t recite those words back to you but I do know that you are good and are a merciful God.  I didn’t want to be defeated but  I couldn’t get up.

I ended up pressing my way to a church service and I am a living witness that God will meet you where you are.  One of my  sisters in Christ prayed for me until  the power of God fell and began to strengthen me. Immediately my the YES that I said years ago that I felt  leave when  the wind was knocked out  returned Louder and BIGGER  than before.  

There is  strength in vulnerability/weakness.   Especially when we are vulnerable to God. When we are weak He is strong. Don’t be afraid to ask for help through prayer.  Don’t be afraid to ask your sister or brother  for help. It doesn’t make you weak it, makes you strong. The fact that you acknowledged that you need help  shows strength.  Don’t let the enemy trick you with his lies . Don’t let that spirit of pride and fear of people’s chatter and motives keep you falling.  No one is strong 100% of  time and we have all  have felt like giving up. The key is to tap into your resources ( pastor, prayer partner, etc. ) who know how to get to the source ( God) and they can go to the throne of grace on your behalf.  Remember  we are not fighting the average war. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong hold 2 Corinthians 10:4 

Be Blessed,

MBR

Sorrow Will Turn to Joy

 

Spring Break 2013

Aww…TBT.. This was the last family annual spring break vacation we were all together. Even though it made me sad to see this picture on my Facebook timeline  timeline, I am yet grateful that the Lord has provided that we are able to still continue this tradition every year since he has been gone. We enjoyed this year’s mini vacation so much that it brought tears to my eyes to see the joy that our girls have this year. It is truly a blessing to have joy while you are in the mist of chaos. I have been so focused on God that I really can’t tell you when the joy came into our lives. All I know is that is that He will keep you in perfect peace WHEN YOUR MIND IS STAYED ON HIM. (Isaiah 26:3) .

I was so in awe of  how I didn’t notice when the joy  began to take root in my heart that it made  want to seek God more. I  was reading my bible  and came upon this scripture and it blessed me.

John 16:20 Most assuredly, I say to you that you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice; and you will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy.

Jesus was telling the disciples that He was leaving to go be with the Father. I can imagine the pain that they felt when He began to tell them that He would no longer be available to them physically. I can relate to that feeling. I was sad when I found out that my husband was being incarcerated. I get it, but what I love about this passage is that  Jesus acknowledged their feelings and the situation. He knew that this was going be hard for them. He knew that it was going to hurt, and be discouraging to know that in the mist of their pain the world would still go on, and even be rejoicing  while they suffered a loss.

It reassured me  how  God knows how  I feel sometimes when  I think about my husband being away. When I see other children with their fathers  or other wives with their husband’s  and I begin to feel sad in this situation.  He knows that  I feel as if  the world is rejoicing while my heart is so heavy.   Just as He knew that that disciples would be sad  while the world rejoiced.

It gets better!

Jesus then went to say  “..and you will be sorrowful,but your sorrow will be turned into joy”  Hallelujah!!   God is saying that, yes this looks bad, and it even  feels bad, however in all of this sorrow and pain there is something good  that is coming out of this !  There is a plan. This has to happen! This pain is apart of the plan.

It gets even better!

^{John 16:21} A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come; but as soon as she has given birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world. ²² Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.

Jesus even takes it a step further to reassure them and us that  all the pain and suffering  that we are going through now, that when it is over  we won’t even remember it! Because what is ahead is greater.I am just crazy enough to believe and trust God. There is something better ahead for you and me. I believe just as I am  unable to pin point when  sorrow began to leave and the joy began to fill my heart. I believe that in this situation when  my husband gets home I won’t remember the hurt and the time apart, but I will remember the joy and restoration.  I just wanted to encourage those who may be in sorrow that it won’t be always like this.  So whatever season that you  are in this pain is apart of the pain. There will be joy! So hold on  to His word.

#Joyiscoming #Joyishere #stillinthevalley #butmyheartandmindisonthemountiantop #joybellsringing #holdingon #brokenbutrecovered

God will get the will glory out of the this!

-MBR

 

The birth of H.E.R.

 

 

That precious moment when God gives you a glimpse of your purpose. I felt like a woman who just found out that she was pregnant for the first time. I felt excited, nervous, and scared all at the same time. Just as a mom to be, wondering how to begin or even accomplish this new purpose that God has entrusted her with. I never thought that a spiritual birth would be  just as hard and similar to given birth physically.  I would say naturally,but unfortunately I never experienced a natural birth I had to have a c -sections with both children.

Giving birth has never been easy for me. In the process of trying  to have  children, I had 2 miscarriages (one that was in my 2nd trimester), then I was finally blessed with 2 beautiful girls.   I was so heart broken by each loss.From that point it did something to me mentally. I was so nervous and cautions about each other pregnancy. I thought that there was
something that I did wrong. I later got pregnant twice and both of those pregnancies were very difficult.  I was so sick with  both. I was   high risk and placed on bed rest with each of them.   When it was time for me to deliver my first born I had to have an emergency c-section. My body wasn’t doing what it was suppose to do in order to have  the baby naturally and in the process she went into distress. The doctors had to go and cut the baby out to relieve her from that distress. If they hadn’t went in to get her the result would have been death.This experience was so scary, painful and  traumatic, but even through all of that something beautiful and great was produced.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 (KJV)

 

As I reminisced  on the process of  physical birth  of my children. I thought about this spiritual birth of purpose. I realized that I had to be cut each time to produce something great. God saw  that my purpose was being threaten and in some distress. He had to intervene by cutting me  with my situation to birth the purpose that He has for me.If I never encountered  the situation to cut me my purpose had the potential to died. I probably wouldn’t had the urge to push and step out on faith. Although in both cases there have been some scary, and painful times one thing that remained true and that is His word. He said He would never leave me or forsake me ( Deuteronomy 31:6).

 

Even though this spiritual preganacy   road has been long and hard.   I am proud to announce  the birth of For H.E.R  ( Healing, Encouragement, Restoration) , a support group for women who have a loved one incarcerated in the St. Louis area.getting to know her 1

H. E.R. is finally is here! She started off small but I plan to nurture H. E.R. with prayer, love and dedication until she grows into what God has H.E.R. to be.!

God will get the ALL of the glory for this!

Broken but Recovered,

MBR